8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
