awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
