he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
