Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
