did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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