What did we do last night that was yellow?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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