fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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