What a fucking waste of an outfit
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
