I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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