my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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