Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
