just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
