Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is the high leading the old right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
