We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
