I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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