I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
