I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
