Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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