I haven't been this sober since birth.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
