Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
