gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
