While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
