Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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