Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
