A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
