All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
