Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
