Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
