I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
