your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
