If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
