Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
