it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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