I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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