you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
