Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
