Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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