Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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