the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
