she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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