At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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