she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
