just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
