i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
