How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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