the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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