Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
