Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
