i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
