I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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