I want you more than these girls want KFC
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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