If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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