grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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