After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
