sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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